nostalgia

when the rats suicided i knew

born with quicklime
& sleet in their head

coveralls in musical diagram
"flower ransom"
so when the rats suicided i chew

i enjoy you traumaless violin fire
was frantic screaming it is a priceless violin in
there musical diagnosis & the fields fell away to a jug
stars in that jug sun in that moon

alcohol kills
war comforts
superbug
derelicht
coalition politics

sweet dirty hair
in my mouth
lipping lip
all night lorries
vanitas forget
that.





is •that• a communication device. are those strange fish existing in poetry. the birds above make a solitary sound. i only want your friendship. those old grey flickery riots with the sound off. i only want your friendship. 2 people on the bus talking excitedly in whispers. can be seen again in the windows of a shop. ambivalent weather? i owe money. are those strange fish in from out of a poem. they work by night by day they are invisibled. i keep the idea of your lips when they were & mine also. those old grey flickery riots with the sound on. everyone is happy now. yes.





"in 1978 i met a stranger called becky at waterloo station. i can't remember her name. in the years since 1978 i've often wanted to kill myself but haven't. she stood on the platform then walked up & down past me along the platform each time getting closer until she brushed against me. then she got on a train & i followed her onto the train & we left the train at a station & walked a short distance & had sex in a bedroom in a small terrace house backing on to the railway line. she had brown hair. i can't remember the colour of her hair. as she was walking up + down past me on the platform getting closer a woman looked at us & made a noise of disgust. she was much older than becky who was a little older than me. it was about 4 in the afternoon. i can remember the time. in the hours since then i've often wanted to kill myself but haven't. we didn't speak much. she said are you shy. i can't remember either of us saying anything. not a word. then i walked back to the station & got on a train & went away. i loved becky very much. but i never looked for her or went back to the small terrace house where we'd had sex. it wasn't a very warm afternoon & i wished i'd worn a coat or a jumper over my shirt"